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Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check - Feb 15, 2017
February 15, 2017
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Sucking the life out of the wire services:
A-listers ain't joking around when they say it's an "honor to be nominated" for an Academy Award, particularly because the nod comes with so many free goodies! The UK's Daily Mail reports that this year's batch of stars will receive a six-day getaway on Kauai, a three-night stay at the Lost Coast Ranch in Northern California and another three-day jaunt at a hotel in Lake Como, Italy.
But wait --there's more! they'll also go home with a decade's worth of Oxygenetix makeup, Hydroxycut Platinum, ten sessions with a celebrity trainer, along with Chapstick, crayons and some very special Opal apples that don't turn brown. The value of this sweet package comes to almost $200-thousand dollars. (Lee)Soccer:
Soccer players love to tattoos, and so do the fans who watch them. So the Philadelphia Union Major League Soccer team is taking the trend to what is probably its logical conclusion --they're looking to hire a Chief Tattoo Officer. Yes, really.
Mashable.com reports this might be a first for the American sports world --The Philadelphia Union's job listing seeks a person who "will be responsible for providing services to players and front office staff" in addition to holding fan events. The Chief Tattoo Officer job requirements include being a professional tattoo artist with a permanent shop in Philadelphia or the surrounding area, a minimum of five years experience, and --most importantly-- "Must enjoy tattooing snake designs." (The Philadelphia Union features a snake in its crest, of course.) The team is looking to begin the hiring process "immediately" and calls the tattooing job "a revolutionary service" for players, the front office and fans. (Bartha)Taking everything much too seriously:
Did you know that there's an actual dude that writes the fortunes inside fortune cookies? His name is DONALD LAU and he's the "Chief Fortune Writer" at Wonton Foods-America, the largest fortune cookie maker in the U.S. But, he's man enough to admit he's lost his touch.
Donald is quitting his job after 30 years because he's been plagued with severe writer's block. "I used to write 100 a year," he says,"but I've only written two or three a month over the past year. When they eat their fortune cookie, I want the customers to open the fortune, read it, maybe laugh, and leave the restaurant happy so that they come back again next week."
Donald knew his time was coming to an end so he's been training his own replacement, JAMES WONG, the nephew of Wonton's founder. Then, Mr. Lau will focus on his full-time gig as the Chief Financial Officer. (Myers/Lee)Grace notes from Vinny Marino:
It happens a lot, and the end result is almost always booing. Billboard.com says GUNS N' ROSES longtime roadie and announcer McBOB took the stage last night and shouted, "Sydney!" Well, unfortunately, the concert was in Melbourne. Subtle difference. The crowd let him have it. Guns apologized after the show with this Facebook post: "Melbourne!? Accidentally after 30 years McBob made an error, we're truly sorry. Thank you for coming out tonight!" (Marino)
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